Reject Fearful “What If” Thinking

A friend who is caring for her 84-year-old mother told me she’s having difficulty sleeping at night because she’s afraid she won’t have the strength and patience to care for her mother through the end of her life. 

When she goes to bed at night, her mind starts buzzing with a multitude of “What If” fears. She thinks: 

• What if Mom wanders off and we can’t find her?

• What if she gets so bad that we can’t take care of her? 

• What if she runs out of money and we can’t afford to pay for the care she needs? 

My friend, like most caregivers, fears how bad it’s going to get, how long it’s going to last, and how much it’s going to cost. 

I encouraged her to set aside the things over which she has no control and focus on confronting the fears that have solutions.  For instance, many people fear what will happen if their care receiver hasn’t gotten their financial or end-of-life legal affairs in order before they become incapacitated or die. That is a legitimate fear, and working with a good elder law or estate-planning attorney can help you solve it. 

If you are fearful of things that have solutions, contact the people or organizations who can help you. If you are fearful of things that cannot be changed or managed, you have two choices. You can allow these fears to dominate your thinking night and day, or you can release those fears by trusting that you’ve dealt with heartbreaks, hardships, and crises in the past and that you will find the strength you need to deal with whatever lies ahead. I hope you will choose to trust yourself! 

Thought for the Day

"I will make a conscious effort to control my thoughts. I will not allow fear about things that might not happen to dominate my thinking. I release these fears. I let them go."